Lawrence Stanley Gaudet
I feel like I have been in a time warp vortex for a week. So where have I been? No where good....
Last Sunday and Monday I felt like crap. Sore throat, coughing up crap, body aches, and everything else that comes with a fun winter time cold. After resting all day Sunday and working from home in my sweatpants on Monday I started to feel like a human again. I settled in to watch some TV with Ben and about halfway through the show my cell rang. It was my Mom and she didn't have good news.
My Grampy Larry embarked on his big fishing trip in the sky on February 10th, 2014. I don't even know where to start in telling you what kind of a person he was. What I remember best was his laugh. As my brother put it "Gramp was a jokster." He had this gleeful laugh that was infectious and always seemed a little mischievous. He was such a hard worker too. He worked from the time he was 16 to help feed his Mom and his siblings and then continued to work hard as a skidder operator in the logging industry to feed his wife and his 5 kids. My Gramp is also the reason that I am convinced every kid needs to go "Jeepin" in order to become a fully functioning Maine resident. From as far back as I could remember Gramp always had a Jeep Wangler. He would take it hunting, fishing, and for joy rides on the Golden Road and through the woods. Some of my fondest memories of him are of the times we were in that Jeep. I never realized it at the time but those times in the woods were a cornerstone of my childhood and who I would become as a woman.
It seems that all of my earliest memories include him and my Gram in some way. As the years went by they were always the constant in our lives. Even now when I go back to Greenville, the only two places I aim to go to are my Mom's and my grandparents. It would feel wrong to go back North and not see them because they are as much a part of me as my own parents.
A little girl's connection to her grandfather is special and I never took for granted the time I got to spend with him. When I met Ben, I was really excited to introduce them and they hit it off. We would look forward to going up and helping to stack his wood pile. I'm not sure it is even fair to call it a regret but the one thing I wish is that he could have seen me walk down the aisle with Ben at the other end.
People keep asking me if I expected this and while I really appreciate their kind thoughts and their sentiment it drives me crazy because, really, we should all expect that one day we are going to lose our loved ones. Whether you expect it or not, you're never prepared for a loss that is a fundamental building block for who you are. I know what they are really asking is "was he sick?" or "was it out of the blue?" and I know they mean well but I don't even know how to process that question. He wasn't in his prime but he wasn't terminally ill either. He was just... ready. It does make it easier to know that. He didn't suffer at the end and he didn't feel a lot of pain, he just slipped into his heavenly gum rubbers and moved on to what's next.
My Father came to the service and told me a story about when he was first dating my Mom. Gramp had this boat that he'd have the boys carry into the woods to go fishing. He kept promising "oh it's just up here, not much longer" and of course it was like another mile. I joked that it was his initiation for dating one of his 4 daughters. It meant a lot to me that, even though they divorced more than 20 years ago, that he came to show support and respect for her and her family because my Grandfather made an impact on him too. It just reminded me how I still have so much to be thankful for and that everyone will always carry the impact he's made on them with him for the rest of their lives.
When I stepped onto the scale this morning it felt like a return to humanity. I'm settling back into my routines and I would give anything to have it be sunny and springtime so I could just go for my walks and think about all the things I'm writing about instead. I was at 186 this morning, my lowest weight since I started back in June. Please don't be concerned that I didn't eat for the last week because I discovered I am NOT one of those grievers that can't maintain a healthy appetite. In fact the amount of donuts and sugar I put into my body over the last week should have pushed me in the other direction and I can't explain why I had a good result. I expected that I gained weight over the past week without exercising and eating healthfully. I'm not one to look the gift scale in the mouth though. It was a rough week and even if I had gained weight, it wouldn't have mattered a damn bit to me. I had plenty of other things to worry about last week.
So here is to this week. Here is to living life with the goal of making memories. Not just for you but so that when those around you don't feel your presence anymore, they have a hopper full of smiles and good cheer. Trust me. They come in handy.
<3 Katie
Day 251
186lbs
Feeling grateful
Last Sunday and Monday I felt like crap. Sore throat, coughing up crap, body aches, and everything else that comes with a fun winter time cold. After resting all day Sunday and working from home in my sweatpants on Monday I started to feel like a human again. I settled in to watch some TV with Ben and about halfway through the show my cell rang. It was my Mom and she didn't have good news.
My Grampy Larry embarked on his big fishing trip in the sky on February 10th, 2014. I don't even know where to start in telling you what kind of a person he was. What I remember best was his laugh. As my brother put it "Gramp was a jokster." He had this gleeful laugh that was infectious and always seemed a little mischievous. He was such a hard worker too. He worked from the time he was 16 to help feed his Mom and his siblings and then continued to work hard as a skidder operator in the logging industry to feed his wife and his 5 kids. My Gramp is also the reason that I am convinced every kid needs to go "Jeepin" in order to become a fully functioning Maine resident. From as far back as I could remember Gramp always had a Jeep Wangler. He would take it hunting, fishing, and for joy rides on the Golden Road and through the woods. Some of my fondest memories of him are of the times we were in that Jeep. I never realized it at the time but those times in the woods were a cornerstone of my childhood and who I would become as a woman.
It seems that all of my earliest memories include him and my Gram in some way. As the years went by they were always the constant in our lives. Even now when I go back to Greenville, the only two places I aim to go to are my Mom's and my grandparents. It would feel wrong to go back North and not see them because they are as much a part of me as my own parents.
A little girl's connection to her grandfather is special and I never took for granted the time I got to spend with him. When I met Ben, I was really excited to introduce them and they hit it off. We would look forward to going up and helping to stack his wood pile. I'm not sure it is even fair to call it a regret but the one thing I wish is that he could have seen me walk down the aisle with Ben at the other end.
People keep asking me if I expected this and while I really appreciate their kind thoughts and their sentiment it drives me crazy because, really, we should all expect that one day we are going to lose our loved ones. Whether you expect it or not, you're never prepared for a loss that is a fundamental building block for who you are. I know what they are really asking is "was he sick?" or "was it out of the blue?" and I know they mean well but I don't even know how to process that question. He wasn't in his prime but he wasn't terminally ill either. He was just... ready. It does make it easier to know that. He didn't suffer at the end and he didn't feel a lot of pain, he just slipped into his heavenly gum rubbers and moved on to what's next.
My Father came to the service and told me a story about when he was first dating my Mom. Gramp had this boat that he'd have the boys carry into the woods to go fishing. He kept promising "oh it's just up here, not much longer" and of course it was like another mile. I joked that it was his initiation for dating one of his 4 daughters. It meant a lot to me that, even though they divorced more than 20 years ago, that he came to show support and respect for her and her family because my Grandfather made an impact on him too. It just reminded me how I still have so much to be thankful for and that everyone will always carry the impact he's made on them with him for the rest of their lives.
When I stepped onto the scale this morning it felt like a return to humanity. I'm settling back into my routines and I would give anything to have it be sunny and springtime so I could just go for my walks and think about all the things I'm writing about instead. I was at 186 this morning, my lowest weight since I started back in June. Please don't be concerned that I didn't eat for the last week because I discovered I am NOT one of those grievers that can't maintain a healthy appetite. In fact the amount of donuts and sugar I put into my body over the last week should have pushed me in the other direction and I can't explain why I had a good result. I expected that I gained weight over the past week without exercising and eating healthfully. I'm not one to look the gift scale in the mouth though. It was a rough week and even if I had gained weight, it wouldn't have mattered a damn bit to me. I had plenty of other things to worry about last week.
So here is to this week. Here is to living life with the goal of making memories. Not just for you but so that when those around you don't feel your presence anymore, they have a hopper full of smiles and good cheer. Trust me. They come in handy.
<3 Katie
Day 251
186lbs
Feeling grateful
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