Who do you think you are?
Do you ever have those days when all you can do is worry? I get like this sometimes but not as often as I used to. I used to worry about stupid stuff like if the house was clean all the time. When we got Brutus I had to let go of some of these things because certain lifestyles don't follow the rules that turn out not to really be rules if you just resign yourself to not caring about certain things anymore.
Now when I get like this, it seems to actually be things that warrant some worry. Because I'm an overthinker, I analyze every possible outcome to death and decide how I would handle myself in each scenario and then I'm ok again... for the most part anyway. The last few weeks have been kind of like this but on my walk last night I had an epiphany. The more I worry about things the less I am acting on swaying my own destiny. I'm only planning for what is going to happen to me, not what I can do to change the way things work out. I'm powerful though and I forget that too often. I let myself play the worrier instead of the warrior.
I think that's the thing this blog helps with the most. When I write I have a definitive idea of who I am and the kind of woman I am always striving to be. When I don't write I think I lose that sense of self that comes with putting words to metaphorical paper. One of the biggest differences in who I am "on paper" and who I am in my head is the level of insecurity. When I worry it is mostly because I am insecure about something and it creates this anxiety that makes me feel like I'm not quite myself. The "myself" I identify most with is the girl that has a positive outlook, is happy and confident. This is the "me" I would describe if asked to identify what makes me who I am. Who I actually am though is a girl who explores ever angle of failure and spends a lot of time assessing the negative side of things, is a little scared to get to comfortable being happy, and is insecure that the life I've built will inexplicably crumble around me.
I have got to put a stop to this because that is the same way that tying your weight to your self worth works. Happiness depends on how you handle the day and if I choose to handle my days with bravery and optimism then I can spend more time enjoying this life I've built instead of worrying I'll lose it. The more I'm focused on how I could possibly lose it, the more I create situations that make it more likely it will fall apart and it will be my own doing. My biggest fear is that I'll be blindsided by something I should have seen coming but the truth is even if I see it coming chances are I'm not going to be in a position to change the direction of the oncoming train. I think that fear ends in this blog entry though because the truth is that it doesn't matter if I am blindsided as long as I'm living my life the way that makes me happy and healthy. If one day I am blindsided by some life altering event I will be strong enough to handle the aftermath because that IS who I am. I am nothing if not resilient. I learn the lessons I'm dealt and I carry them with me in every step thereafter making me smarter and better prepared to navigate my life in the direction that results in the most happiness.
From this day forward I am going to be the warrior, not the worrier. Mark my words... and when I hit my goal, my body won't be the only thing that has changed for the better.
<3 Katie
174lbs
Now when I get like this, it seems to actually be things that warrant some worry. Because I'm an overthinker, I analyze every possible outcome to death and decide how I would handle myself in each scenario and then I'm ok again... for the most part anyway. The last few weeks have been kind of like this but on my walk last night I had an epiphany. The more I worry about things the less I am acting on swaying my own destiny. I'm only planning for what is going to happen to me, not what I can do to change the way things work out. I'm powerful though and I forget that too often. I let myself play the worrier instead of the warrior.
I think that's the thing this blog helps with the most. When I write I have a definitive idea of who I am and the kind of woman I am always striving to be. When I don't write I think I lose that sense of self that comes with putting words to metaphorical paper. One of the biggest differences in who I am "on paper" and who I am in my head is the level of insecurity. When I worry it is mostly because I am insecure about something and it creates this anxiety that makes me feel like I'm not quite myself. The "myself" I identify most with is the girl that has a positive outlook, is happy and confident. This is the "me" I would describe if asked to identify what makes me who I am. Who I actually am though is a girl who explores ever angle of failure and spends a lot of time assessing the negative side of things, is a little scared to get to comfortable being happy, and is insecure that the life I've built will inexplicably crumble around me.
I have got to put a stop to this because that is the same way that tying your weight to your self worth works. Happiness depends on how you handle the day and if I choose to handle my days with bravery and optimism then I can spend more time enjoying this life I've built instead of worrying I'll lose it. The more I'm focused on how I could possibly lose it, the more I create situations that make it more likely it will fall apart and it will be my own doing. My biggest fear is that I'll be blindsided by something I should have seen coming but the truth is even if I see it coming chances are I'm not going to be in a position to change the direction of the oncoming train. I think that fear ends in this blog entry though because the truth is that it doesn't matter if I am blindsided as long as I'm living my life the way that makes me happy and healthy. If one day I am blindsided by some life altering event I will be strong enough to handle the aftermath because that IS who I am. I am nothing if not resilient. I learn the lessons I'm dealt and I carry them with me in every step thereafter making me smarter and better prepared to navigate my life in the direction that results in the most happiness.
From this day forward I am going to be the warrior, not the worrier. Mark my words... and when I hit my goal, my body won't be the only thing that has changed for the better.
<3 Katie
174lbs
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