Same Clothes, Different Body with a Bouncy Bonus

I couldn't wait any longer. I had to find out what the difference was when I tried on the same clothes as Day 1. Before and Now: Apples to apples...

 

I tried to even match the weird look on my face... That's a "Here's Johnny" smile on my face and that should worry us all but I think overall it is a good representation of what the loss really looks like. I also should have removed my sweet slippers but it's friggin' cold on that floor barefoot.   The difference here is 38lbs. One of the things I really struggled with was knowing what a certain weight looks like. I never weighed myself throughout my life because I honestly just didn't want to know. I didn't want to tie my self worth to a number and I think that was the right choice for me then.  Now that my self worth has been defined by other things I don't see the number as a threat but a motivator. 

Having a visual of what I look like 38lbs heavier in the exact same clothes gives me an idea of how I carry weight and what areas of my body tend to change during the loss process. I think my face is the most drastic change. Maybe a little is my hair style but I feel like the whole shape of my face has changed. I didn't see as much of a difference through my hips. I've always known my hips don't lie but these ones are dishing truth I wasn't quite prepared for. I hope some of the lack of big difference there is that my legs have become more muscular as I've walked and done Zumba.

This blog is nothing if not an overshare platform for me to talk about inappropriate things that are related to this weight loss journey. That being said I need to also mention that killer rack. I'm getting straight up personal and going to talk about breasts for a minute. 

If this picture of Boobie Beanies is the kind of thing that offends you I would kindly ask that you skip reading the next few paragraphs. I will also provide a disclaimer that I think women are strong and independent and should not be objectified in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable. For some women their breasts are a source of contention that provides its own set of issues related to feeling self conscious. These feelings are not unlike the ones that girls who struggle with their weight feel when considering how they look to others. I, however, am not one of these women. I never worried about the size of my breasts. I never really gave them much thought actually because my laser focus was concentrated on the chub that covered my body and how much I wished I was skinny. 

I don't know when it happened exactly but when I finally discovered my delightful twins I liked them immediately. I like how they make me feel and when you're a chubby girl talking about your body you have to find a body part that makes to feel good things instead of inspiring wishes.  From then on I celebrate them and I'm not ashamed. When I saw these pictures side by side I couldn't help but acknowledge how incredibly great my boobs look now. 

I remember the day I bought the shirt in the photos. It was 2006 and I remember trying it on in the dressing room and thinking how it was so low cut that I didn't think I'd be comfortable wearing it in public without something over it. I know my attitude on boobs thus far wouldn't lead you to believe I am not really a modest girl but I really am. I think they look awesome but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to show them off so frivolously. So I'm there in the dressing room and I get the shirt on and give myself a turn and think "Damn!" Whenever something makes me feel that way about myself I can't not buy it. If I make it look that good then I'm obligated to wear it. I remember going out for a night on the Old Port in Portland in this shirt and how it made me feel beautiful and desirable and sexy. I've kept it in rotation in my wardrobe ever since. I even wore it this night to the Stephen Kellogg show where Ben and I met him for the first time (notice the modest undershirt and scarf;) 

I'm even confident that when I'm at my goal I'm going to be able to keep this shirt in the rotation as long as it holds up. It has become a symbol, however unintentionally, of what I look like at different weights. I think, giving how good the girls look in it, that it is a better object to tie self worth to than a number... well maybe not that far but you are pickin' up what I'm puttin' down. 

<3 Katie

178lbs