Big Changes

I've been trying really hard not to be overwhelmed lately but it hasn't worked even a little bit. It has been more than two weeks since I've written a post and everything Pre-Brutus is different. My friend Kim once told me that when you have kids that you just get used to the new routine and you rise to the occasion. I still don't know how she does it and I have only a tenth of the experience of being responsible for another living thing. 

I have to be very clear that I don't regret my decision to adopt a dog. This is something I've wanted for at least the last decade and I waited until I was in a position to do it and do it right. I knew it was going to be a lot of work and I knew it would change my whole life but I still don't think I was prepared. I'm not sure any first-time puppy people can ever be prepared for what it does to your life. Ben and I are used to be calm chill people and just about everything we do is pretty low key. I knew we'd have to give up going out to eat so often and stuff like that which has not been a big deal at all but it is all the other stuff you can't really plan for or even dream up to wonder "would I be ok sacrificing this?"  

I was listening to a TED talk the other day and this woman was explaining how parents biologically deal with parenthood as though it were a crisis they were facing. She was clear that kids are not a crisis but often times the way we deal with the situations that parenthood puts us in, our brains process those situations just like our brains would process a crisis we were facing. Looking back on the past month I think that is accurate. We are both focused on the dog and not on each other anymore. In ways this is good and in other ways this is challenging because we are constantly just managing what the dog is doing at any given time. 

This blog is a great example of the things I never thought I'd have to give up to have a dog. My life starts early in the morning with walking and a feeding. Then I go to work where I feel like I solve problems left and right and am cranked to 11 for the whole 8-10 hours I'm there. When I get home it is time for another walk and a shower then to make dinner (or even just eating dinner if Ben has made it) and then dishes. Either way by the time I look up from just doing basic stuff it is 9pm. I'm used to being in bed by 10pm and having some time to wind down between supper and bedtime. I used to think that I didn't have a lot of free time but now I'm seeing that I had "free" time I just pissed it away doing things like relaxing and recharging my batteries so I had the energy to get through the next day. By the time 9pm hits the last thing I want to do is look at a screen more and talk about how tired I am so I just don't post. 

This is what I signed up for and I don't want to sound like I'm complaining because I don't have it all that bad. The point I'm making is that it requires big changes from what I am used to and there is always an adjustment period. The honeymoon is officially over and now I'm trying to figure out how this new life is going to work and not frustrate me to the point of tears or make me so tired I can't repeat it. 

There were several days over the past two weeks that I just couldn't motivate myself for that morning walk or an evening walk because I still need to do the grocery shopping and all the other stuff that there isn't time for when I walk in the morning and at night. When that happens though, it doesn't create any time because Brutus has so much energy that he needs to burn off that he just bounces off the wall doing bad dog things and frustrating me all over again. I can't get away with shirking a workout or he makes me pay for it...

I'm still doing some soul searching to find ways to make this new routine work and one of the new tactics needs to be writing one blog post per week instead of 3-4. The purpose of this blog has been to keep me accountable for my progress and it has definitely done that but now I have Brutus to do that too. I want to do a "weekly weigh in" and put all the good stories into one blog instead of watering them all down and just talking about how tired I am. 

In the process I've gained back a few pounds I had lost in the first week of getting Brutus. I stopped caring what I ate (and ooooh the frenchfries that went into this mouth... goooood lord....) and I didn't want to work out. All I wanted was to figure out why I was the happiest girl on Earth!  As it turns out, the dream of getting a dog is really romantic. The reality of having a dog is really challenging. Luckily he won't be a puppy forever and I'll greatly appreciate when he's older and doesn't need to have so much laser focus to exist. Until then, 1 post per week it is!

<3 Katie

Day 26 A.B.

176lbs