Ben
For all the preaching I do about points systems and how awesome they work and blah blah blah I also do a fair amount of preaching how "fad" diets are a whole bunch of bullshit. Why are they bullshit? Because they are not sustainable. I'm finding that power weeks and points systems are also hard to sustain. When work and other things put demands on my time all of that extra time exercising just doesn't seem worth killing myself to do it. I'm not a very happy person when I'm stressed. I didn't know it then but that's why I struggled with a lot of things when I worked at my previous job. I loved the work and the people and but the stress and mismanagement of tasks and resources always had me on edge. So much so that I developed the phrase "embrace the chaos" and that was my mantra and it worked... for a while but I see now that stress is not something that makes me thrive. It flusters me and then I feel like a failure and then it all just goes downhill from there.
My life now is repetitively stress free. During PMS week the story is a bit different but that will end in another 20 years or so and it gives me (and Ben) something to look forward to. When I do encounter stress I still handle it poorly and get snappy and have a case of the bitchies. I'm pretty sure this is normal and if it isn't everyone's normal that's ok because I think it is my normal. That doesn't mean I can't try to be better about it though.
After we got engaged Ben and I were both on this high that I could feel and see and taste but as life gets back to the everyday and little things and PMS week start to poke holes in the cloth of blind love I see a little bit of that happiness and high fade out of him. I feel it in myself but I see it in him. You know how when you read a book and the narrator of the story seems to be able to read expressions and the feelings of the other characters intuitively? I never really understood that because unless it was overtly obvious I didn't think that was a talent I had... to read people and their feelings and emotions. To compensate I let my imagination run wild considering every possible avenue of everything. I noticed this week though that there has been a shift. Something was bothering Ben the other night and I could tell by the way he smiled and just the look on his face. I realized that there is something tangible you can actually see when he is happy and when its not there my heart breaks a little. In that moment I realized that this marriage thing is a really good idea because for the rest of my life all I have to do is chase that tangible thing I can see when he is happy and do all I can to make sure it is there as often as possible. When you boil it right down I think that is really all that matters.
I don't know if he realizes it but thinking back about how he knows just the right thing to say or do when I'm a crazy biatch means that he already knows this. I'm lucky and sometimes that's more important then having the time to life weights in the morning.
<3Katie
My life now is repetitively stress free. During PMS week the story is a bit different but that will end in another 20 years or so and it gives me (and Ben) something to look forward to. When I do encounter stress I still handle it poorly and get snappy and have a case of the bitchies. I'm pretty sure this is normal and if it isn't everyone's normal that's ok because I think it is my normal. That doesn't mean I can't try to be better about it though.
After we got engaged Ben and I were both on this high that I could feel and see and taste but as life gets back to the everyday and little things and PMS week start to poke holes in the cloth of blind love I see a little bit of that happiness and high fade out of him. I feel it in myself but I see it in him. You know how when you read a book and the narrator of the story seems to be able to read expressions and the feelings of the other characters intuitively? I never really understood that because unless it was overtly obvious I didn't think that was a talent I had... to read people and their feelings and emotions. To compensate I let my imagination run wild considering every possible avenue of everything. I noticed this week though that there has been a shift. Something was bothering Ben the other night and I could tell by the way he smiled and just the look on his face. I realized that there is something tangible you can actually see when he is happy and when its not there my heart breaks a little. In that moment I realized that this marriage thing is a really good idea because for the rest of my life all I have to do is chase that tangible thing I can see when he is happy and do all I can to make sure it is there as often as possible. When you boil it right down I think that is really all that matters.
I don't know if he realizes it but thinking back about how he knows just the right thing to say or do when I'm a crazy biatch means that he already knows this. I'm lucky and sometimes that's more important then having the time to life weights in the morning.
<3Katie
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