Write your way out of a Paper Bag
My favorite teacher in High School was my English teacher Sophomore year. Back then Lucien Holmes was an eccentric, charismatic, thirty-something that played the banjo, wrote poetry, and had a way of engaging every student... even the ones that hated school and made it their mission to make teachers lives hell.
I sort of idolized him and couldn't wait to have adventures of my own that he would tell us about. It's been about 12 years since he was a consistent presence in my life and I miss him and what he was able to coax out of me in terms of creativity. I wish we could meet for coffee and just talk about writing, music, and life the way that people who appreciate "deep" ideas and thoughts do. He lives clear across the world now though so unless Skype comes up with a coffee shop I don't think I'll get the chance anytime soon.
I've been thinking a lot lately about that time in my life. As part of his class we had to do a lot of writing and he left the topics mostly up to us, he just wanted us to write about something we connected to. The first assignment he gave us was to "write our way out of a paper bag." It was my single most favorite assignment in my educational career. I don't remember exactly what I wrote but I do remember it was heavily influenced by listening to Fiona Apple and being an angsty teenager.
These days I kind of feel like I'm living in a paper bag and wish it was as simple as writing my way out of it. I suppose in some ways this blog is my effort to do just that. This blog is my narrative and my venue for describing myself... to myself.. I've always thought having a view from the outside of yourself and how you come off to others is healthy and helps you grow into a better person. This blog gives me a way of assessing the state of who I am and who I want to become as I continue down the path of my life.
Somewhere along the way I lost that 16 year old perspective I had as a sophomore when I knew exactly who I wanted to be when I was almost 30. Like every person ever, I am now almost 30 and I'm not really the person I thought I would be. I'm considerably smarter than I anticipated but I am seriously less cool than I thought I'd be. I'm pretty sure that's normal though. :) Cool is for teenagers anyway....
I never thought past 30 when I was 16. Hell I never thought past 23 if I'm being honest. I guess I just figured I'd be who I would always be by 30. Stupid teenagers. They are so short sighted... In the past 12 years or so I kind of lost that pursuit to be my ideal self. I threw myself into school and work and exploring relationships and then found a great relationship and I've just been spinning those wheels ever since. I think that is also when my weight began to climb the first time. I had a revelation about my Junior year in college and got back down to a reasonable weight and then I took a turn for the worse that has lead me to where I started my journey in June of 2013.
I somehow became a chubby workaholic whose greatest ambition outside of work was what to make for dinner.... or more accurately where to order take out from for dinner... Since I started my journey I added in this blog, going to get my Masters, and becoming a doggie Mom. I am definitely more ambitious outside of work but that all comes at a price. Having things outside of my job that are important to me means that I don't arrive at work at 6am anymore and stay until 6 or 7p. It means that I have less time to be who my boss wants me to be at work. It means that no matter what I do, I'm falling short in one category or another. I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions. I can either take time to exercise and have a life outside of my job or I can be the model employee I'm expected to be. As it stands right now I can't do both because there are literally not enough hours in the day for me to do it all.
I don't have a solution to wrap this up with a nice little bow. I know there must be a "happy medium" but I just haven't found it yet. The only thing I am sure of is that I really need to figure out what I want to do with the one life I've been given and do it. For the first time in my life I need to actually think about what I WANT to accomplish instead of just giving my all to accomplishing what I am SUPPOSED to.
I sort of idolized him and couldn't wait to have adventures of my own that he would tell us about. It's been about 12 years since he was a consistent presence in my life and I miss him and what he was able to coax out of me in terms of creativity. I wish we could meet for coffee and just talk about writing, music, and life the way that people who appreciate "deep" ideas and thoughts do. He lives clear across the world now though so unless Skype comes up with a coffee shop I don't think I'll get the chance anytime soon.
I've been thinking a lot lately about that time in my life. As part of his class we had to do a lot of writing and he left the topics mostly up to us, he just wanted us to write about something we connected to. The first assignment he gave us was to "write our way out of a paper bag." It was my single most favorite assignment in my educational career. I don't remember exactly what I wrote but I do remember it was heavily influenced by listening to Fiona Apple and being an angsty teenager.
These days I kind of feel like I'm living in a paper bag and wish it was as simple as writing my way out of it. I suppose in some ways this blog is my effort to do just that. This blog is my narrative and my venue for describing myself... to myself.. I've always thought having a view from the outside of yourself and how you come off to others is healthy and helps you grow into a better person. This blog gives me a way of assessing the state of who I am and who I want to become as I continue down the path of my life.
Somewhere along the way I lost that 16 year old perspective I had as a sophomore when I knew exactly who I wanted to be when I was almost 30. Like every person ever, I am now almost 30 and I'm not really the person I thought I would be. I'm considerably smarter than I anticipated but I am seriously less cool than I thought I'd be. I'm pretty sure that's normal though. :) Cool is for teenagers anyway....
I never thought past 30 when I was 16. Hell I never thought past 23 if I'm being honest. I guess I just figured I'd be who I would always be by 30. Stupid teenagers. They are so short sighted... In the past 12 years or so I kind of lost that pursuit to be my ideal self. I threw myself into school and work and exploring relationships and then found a great relationship and I've just been spinning those wheels ever since. I think that is also when my weight began to climb the first time. I had a revelation about my Junior year in college and got back down to a reasonable weight and then I took a turn for the worse that has lead me to where I started my journey in June of 2013.
I somehow became a chubby workaholic whose greatest ambition outside of work was what to make for dinner.... or more accurately where to order take out from for dinner... Since I started my journey I added in this blog, going to get my Masters, and becoming a doggie Mom. I am definitely more ambitious outside of work but that all comes at a price. Having things outside of my job that are important to me means that I don't arrive at work at 6am anymore and stay until 6 or 7p. It means that I have less time to be who my boss wants me to be at work. It means that no matter what I do, I'm falling short in one category or another. I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions. I can either take time to exercise and have a life outside of my job or I can be the model employee I'm expected to be. As it stands right now I can't do both because there are literally not enough hours in the day for me to do it all.
I don't have a solution to wrap this up with a nice little bow. I know there must be a "happy medium" but I just haven't found it yet. The only thing I am sure of is that I really need to figure out what I want to do with the one life I've been given and do it. For the first time in my life I need to actually think about what I WANT to accomplish instead of just giving my all to accomplishing what I am SUPPOSED to.
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