Epilogue 1
To say "The End" is so final isn't it? THE end implies there is one finite finish but this Trouble with the Curvy is something I don't think is ever going to actually end. In the weeks since I wanted to make the transition to wedding planning and making my wedding dress I've struggled to "just do" what I have identified over the past 3 years help me achieve my weight goals. I can't seem to get myself out of bed in the morning and then work has early morning demands, then I'm sick and who knows what will be the next obstacle.
I have gone completely off the rails since the holidays. At my doctor's appointment yesterday I weighed in at 173lbs fully winter bundled. Not bad but certainly not great. I'm moving in the wrong direction. I recognize this. I acknowledge this. Now I need to do something about it. What I can't figure out is why I can't seem to make the good decision and how easy it is to talk myself out of doing the things I know are good for me.
I want to be down to my final goal weight by May. It's only about 15lbs and it should be absolutely doable as long as I can stop this train of poor decision making. I feel a little out of control and I'm doing things I know are putting me further into the hole. Writing has always helped me with this before because there is something about seeing it in black and white.
I think my relationship to food is in need of a complete reform. Food and I have always been friends. It's how I bring happiness to others and to myself. There is something so therapeutic for me to take a ride on my lunch break to have a sandwich. I love to eat. I love to discover new foods. I love to watch cooking shows and then give it a shot in my own kitchen. There is so much that I feel connected to when I'm around food. I am to the point where I really feel like it is an addiction. I know what I should do I just haven't been very good at mustering the motivation to do it.
I miss walking and I miss the routine that we are in once I am walking all the time. Getting up early to go to the gym is just not easy and then all kinds of legitimate things come up.. ie work and sickness etc. But I do remember myself saying once that those excuses are only excuses because I let them be. It is simple really. If it means enough to me I will make it work. Right now I just don't think, in practice, it has meant more to me than the other things I do.
I have some soulfood searching to do...
I have gone completely off the rails since the holidays. At my doctor's appointment yesterday I weighed in at 173lbs fully winter bundled. Not bad but certainly not great. I'm moving in the wrong direction. I recognize this. I acknowledge this. Now I need to do something about it. What I can't figure out is why I can't seem to make the good decision and how easy it is to talk myself out of doing the things I know are good for me.
I want to be down to my final goal weight by May. It's only about 15lbs and it should be absolutely doable as long as I can stop this train of poor decision making. I feel a little out of control and I'm doing things I know are putting me further into the hole. Writing has always helped me with this before because there is something about seeing it in black and white.
I think my relationship to food is in need of a complete reform. Food and I have always been friends. It's how I bring happiness to others and to myself. There is something so therapeutic for me to take a ride on my lunch break to have a sandwich. I love to eat. I love to discover new foods. I love to watch cooking shows and then give it a shot in my own kitchen. There is so much that I feel connected to when I'm around food. I am to the point where I really feel like it is an addiction. I know what I should do I just haven't been very good at mustering the motivation to do it.
I miss walking and I miss the routine that we are in once I am walking all the time. Getting up early to go to the gym is just not easy and then all kinds of legitimate things come up.. ie work and sickness etc. But I do remember myself saying once that those excuses are only excuses because I let them be. It is simple really. If it means enough to me I will make it work. Right now I just don't think, in practice, it has meant more to me than the other things I do.
I have some soulfood searching to do...
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